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So my therapist has suggested I start blogging at least a few minutes a day as a kind of processing tool for what I’ve experienced throughout the day. I’m just gonna stick with a stream of consciousness style, just word vomit and see what comes out.

So work was fine. Still training the new hire. Was told “good job” by my boss on the training which felt good. But in the same vein I started thinking why am I the one training people when I’m the part time crazy one? I mean I don’t particularly mind but it seems in some way that I shouldn’t be in charge of anything in case I go indiscriminately crazy and disappear at any given time.

Saw my psychiatrist today. Sticking with the new 80 mg dose of Latuda and seeing how things even out. My BP at the appt was 171/108 so that’s still absurd but I lost 5 lbs so that’s helpful. I gained back the weight (about 25lbs) I managed to lose about 16 months ago and all my scrubs are tight. I really haven’t been paying the slightest bit of attention to what I’ve been eating – hell, I’m half proud that I remember to feed myself at all.

Worked the late shift tonight, didn’t get off til 7 so that threw my equilibrium a little off. Contacted 2 people to see if either wanted to grab a late bite, both were busy with their kids. Once I got home I sat in my car listening to NPR and watching viral videos for about 20 minutes before I turned the car back on and drove through Arby’s rather than face my mess of a house and kitchen but still eat something half decently substantial – a sandwich totally counts.

Funnily enough I started making ridiculous lists in my head of things to do/organize in my life – like going through recipes or sorting medical bills into folders and analyzing finances to make payment plans – but I’m skipping over things like taking out the trash or putting away laundry. All or nothing, black or white.

Also been seriously craving getting my “;” tattoo. Thinking about treating myself to it this weekend. Maybe if I complete a certain household to do list on Saturday. That’s some sort of justification/impetus.

I’m sad that a friend and mentor at work gave her notice today. I’m going to miss her.

I wish I had more single happy-go-lucky friends to do something with on a whim.

Now I’m wired and antsy and not winding down – even though I ate and took my meds and watched Jeopardy, now followed by a rerun of the series finale of House.

I wish the house was immaculate, I think I would feel more tranquil. But that’s a long way off.

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